If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
