Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
