no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
