Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
