hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
