I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
