I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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