I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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