goodnight i made you a song goodbye
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
