Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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