Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize