I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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