Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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