I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
