Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
