Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
