I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
