You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
