You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize