You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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