I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
