Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
