Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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