ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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