I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
