So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Randomize
