he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
