Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
