I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize