Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
