how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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