do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
