I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't deserve a penis
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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