none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
