Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
