what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
