Cold hands, warm shart.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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