I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
