I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize