That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
