Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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