well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
