Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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