3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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