i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
