So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
