3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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