my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I intend to get homeless drunk
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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