I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
