you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
