I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize