The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
