I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize