She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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