she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
