I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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