if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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