I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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