Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
