I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I supernannyed him into submission
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
