Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
