billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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