is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I love having hate sex.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
