the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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