i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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